Can't believe it's the 20th already. What did I do in this new year? Since mom went back to Korea, everyday is like war now. I don't even know what I'm doing. I think about home at work and think about work at home. I can't concentrate on anything. Can't even read anything. My mind is like floating everywhere. We had Sean's 1st birthday this week and got family pictures taken. Finally. Wow... It feels like completion of a family. This is it for sure. No more family member's planned. I love freefeel because there's always something to read that I can enjoy. I like topics people talk about here. Everybody here is a good writer except me. I'm just so happy to stay here and read their writings. No matter how crazy my life is.... I feel at home here at freefeel. In the meantime, my kids are growing. Arene is 3 and a half now and Sean is one year old. Can you believe it? I'm so proud of myself having this beautiful family and my husband who's always supporting me. This year is going to fly fast again. I can see that. Sean will start walking very soon. He's going to be everywhere. My days fly with him. Arene's busy learning things. She likes art. She's drawing things everyday. I'm going to take her to the private art lesson from the end of the month. I decided to join the lesson myself too. Learning to draw....It's been my dream since I saw Jimmy's mom and barama's paintings. How beautiful they are. I thought it was going to be later and later when I have more time but the time came earlier than I thought. Arene's going anyways so I'll learn it together with her. I like learning new things and it's even better if I can do with my lovely daughter. This is one thing that makes my heart pumping for now. I hope I can show you something that I draw myself.

I want to be a big person but I feel so small whenever I go to this meeting. I work hard but that's not all that count. You need to be good at showing what you do too. I lose chances to show off what I do. I don't need to get recognized all the time but when I don't even get a credit for what I really did, I get disappointed. There are people who are really good at taking other's credit. They know how to show off their work. They know how to beautificate(is their a word like this? I think I've seen a word-beautification- on the street when they were fixing something. I'm just lazy to look it up for now) their work. I get motivated a lot outside but once I got home there are so many other things to take care of. First of all, I love spending time with my kids. They are my joy and my pride. I haven't even had any time with my husband these days. We are just too busy taking turns babysitting. His school starts again tomorrow. Two months ago, I remember I was so devastated because he applied to a job and it didn't work out. Now I think about it. What if he got that job? How would I handle all this chores? That job was not even what we dreamed of. I don't want my husband to stuck with something he doesn't even really want. We are okay managing all the bills for now. Job is about money but we all want more than that. I love my job but sometimes it's hard to deal with people and the politics among them. I want to learn more of communication skills and leadership skills. It's a learning curve for me. I need to get the most of it while I'm in the position. Otherwise, what's the point of having all this stress? Take advantage of it. That's what I'll do.

It's my off day. This is what my day is like. I was only putting sean to sleep last night but when I opened my eyes, it's already morning. 5:30 in the morning, Sean is already awake. Changed his diaper and fed him bottle of milk. Wished him took more sleep but he's fully awake now. We came to the living room. We play together. Then I got tired. I turn on TV for him. He likes Baby Einstein. I feel less guilty. It's Einstein anyway, isn't it? I lay on my stomach and read a book. Really love this quiet time. Sometimes Sean would jump on me or pull my hair. He's a baby but it still hurts.... 8am Arene's wakes up. She is such a clock. She's been a textbook baby since she's born. Love her! Dyaus is still in bed. Probably he stayed late last night. I set breakfast for kids. Arene's feeding herself. Again, I love her. I feed Sean. He's eating well this morning. That's cute. It's Arene's preschool day. Her hair is all messy because she went to bed right away after bath. This is what happens with daddy. He would wash her hair but never go to the point of thinking that he needs to dry her hair too before bed. Now what do I do? Not enough time to wash her hair again. Comb her hair with web comb then just make ponytail. Easiest way to fix anybody's hair. In the meantime Dyaus is up and took a shower. He's out to give a ride to Arene. He doesn't eat breakfast. A cup of coffee will do. Me? I never skip my breakfast. I can't function without it. I didn't even wash my face but I eat. I do the dishes. It's only 9am but Sean is getting tired. He goes to nap around 10am. He seems to go to nap early today. I lay in bed with him. He falls asleep. Hurrah. It's my time now. Dyaus is back and reading a book. I started exercise. It's only 40mintues program but there are so many things going on in my mind. I get distracted many times. I stop many times in the middle of exercise and either check on mail or text message. But I know I need to finish this. Otherwise, it's going to bother me whole day thinking I didn't do any exercise and I'm getting big. I feel even more tired if I don't work out. Finally I was able to finish one course of exercise today. Yesterday I had to stop it when I was at half way. It always happens. We need to pick up Arene at noon and take her to swimming lesson by 12:30. Then there's open swim from 1 to 2. Arene asked who is she swimming with today. I said with Teacher Justin and your friend Lucas first then open swim with whoever you want. She picked me. She likes to do it with her daddy but she wants me if she has a choice because she spends more time with her daddy. Dyaus has a class this evening. He would need some break. So I'll go with Arene. I can't imagine having this afternoon with two kids by myself without my husband. I'm not good at it. I'll have to call baby moms in the neighbor. Easy to babysit. Time flies eating and chatting together. In my mind, I'm dying to have my own free time reading something. Kids go to sleep around 9pm. There are all the chores that need to be done. Brushing their teeth, changing clothes and reading books for Arene. By the time they fall asleep I'm tired too. This is why I try to keep doing exercise. I need to have more energy. I want to be good at my job and there are a lot of new information that I need to take in. It's hard to catch up with all the new changes while I spend most of my time with kids. The only way I can do all this is to focus and focus. However I'm thinking about work at home and thinking about home at work. I wish I could give up something but everything is so important to me but I'm not a superperson. That's my dilemma.

broca의수다